OK, tongue's planted firmly in cheek in that headline. But one can't help but be amused by this particular intersection in town-gown relations.
To wit: Duke has made it back to the Final Four for the first time in a few years, with Coach K and a band of seniors on their way to what the Cameron Crazies hope will be a big victory to set even more bonfires blazing.
In their way this Saturday stands No. 2 seed West Virginia, which could well be the most dangerous opponent remaining for the Blue Devils in the tournament. (Two #5 seeds, Michigan State and Butler, face off for the other National Championship game berth.)
The Mountaineers have done well in the tournament to date despite lacking their star point guard Truck Bryant, who broke a foot in practice last week and was counted out as done for the season.
Well, perhaps not so fast. Bryant needed some special medical T.L.C. -- and where are you going to turn for that?
The City of Medicine, natch. Though it sounds like that special T.L.C. happened away from the Gothic Hospitaland that is Duke Medicine.
Bryant was in Durham, N.C., Sunday and was fitted for a special shoe and insert that might relieve the pressure on the broken foot he suffered a week ago.
West Virginia trainer Randy Meador went with Bryant on Sunday to Durham, N.C., which is where Duke is located. He didn't identify the specialist the two visited but insisted they weren't actually in the enemy camp.
"It's not like we were at Duke,'' Meador said.
We here at BCR -- nascent college hoops fan and automatic hometown partisans that we are -- must say to Mr. Bryant: congratulations on getting help here in our fair Bull City.
Hey, we're all in need of some revenue these days, and believe me, our city and county managers (and our state) are happy to get all the sales tax revenue we can.
I'm sure that orthotic insert cost a pretty penny, and hey, you probably stayed at a hotel here in town, hopefully dined out at our restaurants.
But, hey now. If West Virginia manages to beat Duke in the semi-finals with your help -- and with the help of your special Durham shoes -- why, that'd just be a crying shame.
After all, the revenues from a national championship are much bigger; I can't imagine that there's less than a six- or seven-digit bump from merchandise sales, for instance.
So we're glad you found some solace in the care and treatment you found here in the City of Medicine, Mr. Bryant. But you know, we're serious about our hoops.
And it may surprise you -- or not, given your front-row seat to our coaching mannerisms -- that we're not above whining over what happens on the court.
Which means we may be happy you found a nice pair of shoes, and may just wish you a happy recovery.
But only as of Sunday; not a moment before.