2010 House 4th: Tom Fetzer is not amused -- and David Price is probably not worried

From the just-in-case-you're-not-sick-of-elections-already file: You know, somehow it seems like every time my adopted home state here seems ready to abandon all those old-school stereotypes that come from being closer to the Gulf of Mexico than the Canadian border, something comes along to reinforce those stereotypes.

Whether it's real or a smartly-done satire, that something right now comes in the guise of one George Hutchins, putative 2010 candidate for the US House in the seat held by David Price.

And what Mr. Hutchins lacks in terms of name recognition, experience holding elected office or whatnot is, well, a web site. Kind of; in the sense that "GeoCities" pages were once web sites:

Well, at least we now know who designed the menu at Cuban Revolution.

Seriously -- though there isn't much serious here -- the web site has been picked up by Wonkette and other web sites as something so utterly nutty and bizarre that it can't possibly be real. Or -- I shudder -- can it?

Among his, er, interesting suggestions:

• "As California and other U.S. States start to fail, due to  GROSS LEFT-WING LIBERAL High-Tax, Abusively Over-Regulated, MISMANAGEMENT, if  elected to U.S. Congress,  I will FIGHT with all legal methods, to have these same U.S. States  bring  their industries here, to  North Carolina. As a professional Film-Television Actor, who has performed in lead speaking parks on both THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL and TLC The Learning Channel, in addition to, Local WRAL North Carolina Television, I can tell you with all truth, we can make better movies and televisions programs, here in North Carolina, than HOLLYWOOD, at a lower cost for each Movie - TV producer."
• "To Wage an Effective Legal WAR AGAINST CRIME, to include, waging an Effective Legal  WAR  AGAINST ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION, We MUST afford to create More of the Best ELITE Crime Fighting Systems, throughout North Carolina, and America, where we MUST Raise More Money, which will NOT RAISE TAXES, while creating better 'salaries-benefits' for ALL Professional Crime Fighters; while, at the same time  also, providing, the  BEST CRIME FIGHTING EQUIPMENT, known to mankind, each year."
• "Each Inmate will be provided with an individual Cell, WITHOUT a  Cell Mate, where all individual body functions can be performed in Each Cell,  to include the consumption of meals, in which meals will be delivered without inmates coming into contact with Prison Staff. Individual Inmate Cells, will prevent Inmate violence directed towards Prison Staff, prevent Inmate violence directed towards other inmates, prevent the creation of Prison Gangs, and prevent the socialization of New Inmates deeper into the Criminal Culture. Individual Inmate Cells, will be provided with solid items, which will made impossible for Inmates to move, destroy, NOR forge into weapons."

Dude's also got a little obsession with Sir Walter Raleigh. It's not really clear what this has to do with the election. It's just a little, well, weird.

We're not sure what the Queen would say about the above -- but if Hutchins' message board is to be believed, count NC Republican Party chair Tom Fetzer as being among that number of people Who Are Not Amused by the site.

Hutchins posted a message he claimed he received from Fetzer on his site, in which the recently-elected state GOP head asked the putative candidate to remove symbols of the state party from his site.

Fetzer purportedly said (excepted, emphasis added):

As Chairman of the North Carolina Republican Party I was not proud, nor edified, by the contents of your campaign website.  Frankly, I find certain elements – in particular the direct comparison of President Obama and his family to Sanford and Son and other similar representations to be reprehensible and far outside the spirit and meaning of Republican values.  Let me be clear, you may hold your own opinions and state them freely.  That is your right as an American.  But displaying the North Carolina Republican Party Seal on your web-page is not your right.  It does not belong to you and, in my opinion as Chairman, I do not want our party associated with some of your views.  Please immediately remove our seal from your site and any campaign materials.

As State Party Chairman I generally avoid getting involved in primaries.  But if you file for an elective office as a Republican, I will make an exception in your case.

Thomas Fetzer
Chairman, North Carolina Republican Executive Committee

Hutchins' response, again from his web site:

I am NOT familiar with you, other than this rough e-mail which you sent, and I hope to move in a better direction of what you stated in your e-mail, but if you are one who approves of the Wrongful use of the RACE CARD, which your e-mail implies, possibly the DEMOCRATS are the party which you should join.
 
Today, we might add a warning on each of the pages to the website pages, stating: "This Does not imply NC GOP Endorsement," which should resolve your issues, but we will NOT remove the banner, which only states Hutchins will be running as a Republican in North Carolina, but to meet you half way, we will  remove the word "PARTY" from the banner, which demonstrates, I am a Republican in North Carolina, and nothing more, even if you attempt to read more into this matter, which does NOT exist, which you appear to have done, with the Sanford and Son issue.
 
I will work with you on this issue, but if you are offended by Sanford and Son, it is for certain, you should resign, and join the DEMOCRATS.
 
The bottom line is, I desire to work with you on this issue, but due the nature of my background, when subjected to tones which go beyond working on a issues like professionals, I can also hold my ground.

Somehow, I don't think Congressman Price -- or any of his possible challengers, to be determined in a Republican primary -- have much to worry about here.

Besides having our home metro area become the butt of look-at-that-crazy-guy jokes, of course.

Comments

[Bartholomew]

What if he finds the roots of the POISON TREE?

There is not enough comedy in my life and I'm sending $5.

[Todd P]

Is he related to Virginia Foxx?

[Andy S]

Holy crap that is funny. "Well, at least we now know who designed the menu at Cuban Revolution." OMG that's classic! No, I don't think Price has too much to worry about.

[Kevin Farmer]

My favorite part is the "ETC" at the end of "4TH DISTRICT: Raleigh, Durham, Cary, Morrisville, Chapel Hill, Apex, Carrboro, ETC"

It's the little things...

[Dan S.]

Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?

George Hutchins does.

He first became aware of it, during the physical act of love... Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily he was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. He can assure you it has not recurred. Women, er, women sense his power, and they seek the life essence. He does not avoid women... but he does deny them his essence.

Notice that he doesn't look, at all, rancid or clotted? He drinks a lot of water, you know. He's what you might call a water man - that's what he is. And he can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong with *his* bodily fluids. Not a thing.

He and I both blame those lousy English k-nigh-its for our current mess -- if they hadn't burned Washington in 1814, we'd never have gotten ourselves into this fluoridation mess.

[/sarcasm -- enough of the crazy]

[RaleighRob]

He might not represent the official NC GOP party. But I'm totally convinced he fully represents the majority of their base, no doubt.

Scary stuff.